It's deja vu all over again in Hollywood land and the remake du jour is Clash of the Titans. It is by no means an unwatchable film, in fact it's quite enjoyable if you are in for an action packed movie. However, if you are a big fan of the Hero's Journey and certain gods of the Greek pantheon, well... it is a grand action packed movie indeed.
Must start by saying I am not a purist. I mean, I loved the original as a child, but even then I found Bubo the owl the ridiculous and without purpose. When this movie was marked for reincarnation, I was flipping with joy. I honestly believed that digital, CGI magic could do justice to the world of myth I loved. I was wrong. This "Clash" is a whole different ball game and it only made me feel a bit of nostalgia for the 1981 version that gave me, if not great special effects, a hero with a heart, gods who shared our imperfections and, although campy at times, a step by step hero's journey.
Both movies are a free interpretation of the myth of Perseus and Andromeda, one so deeply engraved in tales of old that it's main characters were literally exalted into the stars. (Check your constellations, boys and girls, while the nights are still crisp and clear.)
The one thing that I liked about the gods in the original 1981 is that all characters were played straight, as they were designed by the ancients. On this version, maybe in order to achieve a measure of plot "originality" the writers decided to shift the weight of the events from the whim of a number of gods to an evil machination from Hades, of all deities.
As I said, not a purist film wise, but the decision to make Hades the bad guy in this one tore me apart. There is a reason why Hades was not in the first movie and it's simple. Of all gods in the Greek Pantheon, Hades didn't play games. Unlike his brothers, he hardly frolics around chasing skirts. He ruled over the dead, which was quite a handful and showed himself to be the most passive and compassionate of the Olympians. KNOW YOUR GODS, PEOPLE and spare me the discomfort of watching Ralph Fiennes delivering a wonderful performance completely out of place!!!!!! That is only the first of a few pet peeves that kept me going hmmmmmmpppffft... but I'll get to them later.
Three minutes into the film, anyone with the least amount of knowledge of Greek myth knows they writers dug a whole from which it will be difficult come out of. We get to meet Perseus (Sam Worthington fresh out of Avatar, I guess as he has an unexplainable buzz cut in a world in which all men sported long locks) anyhooo, boy Perseus has problems, anger management problems, and daddy issues that do not allow him to see beyond his rage. He is set on an impossible task: to kill the God of the Dead. Knowing it is a given fact that gods are eternal, well... duh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hopeless romantic, but romance is meant to be at the core of this myth. To quote the best of cliches, it is understandable that they didn't paint the new TITANS the least shade of pink because it is impossible to love another if you can't love yourself. And Perseus loathes himself, or at least the god part in him. It is impossible to go through a journey of self discovery if you insist on rejecting 50% of your findings, no room for growth. Perseus is a hero I don't care about because he whines and bitches way too much. He is good with the sword though, and that will deliver really cool actions scenes, scenes that would make me go wheeeeeeeeeeeeee if this were any other Greek guy, but he is supposed to be Perseus. Once the motive of the quest is fueled by revenge there is no room for wonder, or fun, or even love. There is peril, a couple of chuckles courtesy of quest companions and sexual tension between Perseus and... I wont tell you anything about the new addition, but it is not Andromeda and she might as well have a big neon sign that reads "Hi, I'm the new and improved Bubo the owl, I'll get in unnecessary trouble and bring info back and forth."
Well, our wound up hero meets the designated monsters:
Calibus, Giant Scorpions, Stygian Witches, Medusa, Calibus again, the Kraken and finally the dreaded mano a mano with Hades. I would go over each one of these encounters one by one, but I rather keep the two that really caught my eye, even as a child. There is not a single person that saw the original TITANS that didn't think Medusa was the coolest monster ever. I loved her, and I loved the witches as well. As a child it was just a fascination that emanated from sheer creepiness, but growing up, I learned to respect the girl power behind the Gorgon and the Grey Ones. You see, there nothing more fearsome than women who know too much or women who wont mind looking at men straight in the eye, and turn them to stone... no wonder these were monsters of old. My greatest disappointment were the witches. They were not women, in fact they seemed clones in process of Pan's Labyrinth's Paleman. Medusa was cool, but not really scary, in fact she looked- and vocalized- like a spoiled rich girl with a bad hair day. Perseus saw nothing, learned nothing, respected nothing as he advanced through the desert and met with DJINN!!!!!
Errrr... either someone was trying to exploit a tie-in with Prince of Persia or someone didn't tell the stupid writers that DJINN are part of Middle Eastern mythology. Now that I think about it, there might be a slight political message behind it, as the djinn hardly spoke but to say "together" as in "let us band together to defeat Hades who is the harbinger of the real terror war" ( I'm not even drinking, I swear) Congratulations Shiek, you are the token friendly Arab....
Must say, I did love the Kraken- who is a Nordic monster by the way, but let's forget about it and rally behind the fact that he is a sea creature son of Hades... I guess Poseidon was shooting blanks. Arrghhh, let me stop the hatin'... the Kraken IS magnificent in design and execution and perhaps the one monster that sorely needed and met the required improvements from the original.
All and all it is a great action film that showcases Worthington's ability to play someone who is half human half something else, yet again and will no doubt solidify his action hero status. But when in a movie, the most memorable and lively character is the God of the Dead, well something's gone amissing.
The quote: Is not really a quote, just that we all got a kick out of watching Liam Neeson, strike a GQ pose and say " Release the Kraken." I've tried it several times running through different accents and nothing yet beats the puertorrican " Meeeeeeeeeeera aqui noy mas que hablal, sueltate al Kraken"
Goodnight boys and girls
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