Mind the State of My Union Address

It's been a while since I wrote anything that truly mattered. I don't owe it to important sort of stuff, hence the very fitting title of this blog... However, there is something liberating about struggling to put words together when it really counts.

I am at a point in my life in which I do not wish to be. I am not depressed, I can deal with depression easily. The fact is that I am worried, and a little scared.

The truth is I am a control freak at heart. I never found this to be a point of contention in my personality, to anyone who has a bit of understanding of the wheels that make my family turn, it might even count to my advantage. (Some times it's fun to play wrangler to a bunch of wild Mustangs.) However, there is an aspect of life a person like me cannot face on her own terms, and that is related to health, or lack of thereof.

When I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis I was pissed at first. It all lasted about a week while I got over the words "chronic" and "illness". After that it was a matter of finding out what it was and how to take care of it in such a way that it would seem it never happened. Those who know me know I got my way.

However it has not been the same for my sister, and it is driving me crazy. I see her as her immune system goes haywire, having flare ups, muscle spasms, joint pain and stiffness as her physician changes and adjusts medications and it is tearing me apart.

Those who know me be assured that my faith and resolution is not faltering and neither is Lysania's, I've always trusted God before anything else and I am not questioning. I am simply trying to put stuff on paper as I usually do when things get tough for me, when I am at my wit's end and words fail me... this is in fact my prayer.

Let it there be a resolution and grant me the patience if it not a prompt one...

Ah, there is a quote, there always must be a quote and for the many times I didn't say more than a simple "there you go again, silly little sissy", I'll leave you with this:

"Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister. " ~Katherine Mansfield