Actually got so see Pirates

And I'll say Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh.


Now stay with me and find out whether this is good or not.


I'll start this review like the movie started, giving all the long run.





I didn't plan to see Pirates this weekend , in fact I wasn't going to be able to. But then I thought , hell the only thing I'll see related to Pirates this weekend will be Miss Puerto Rico and her rendering of Paris Hilton and Captain Morgan's Bastard Offspring:


http://www.missuniverse.com/delegates/2007/files/PR-photo-costume.html





So, against my better judgement, decided to see it on the first showing at 10:00 am, which guaranteed lots of kiddies and parents who have no clue.





Those who know me know that I love kids, that is not the problem, the problem is that sometimes parents forget that PG13 is there for a reason, and sometimes your four year old does not have the makings of a Pirate movie watcher. The kids were so restless during the first 10 minutes of the movie that I couldn't even catch the dialogue, and I'm not sure if that lost me for good.





THE REVIEW


This is a Trilogy and anyone who read my previous two comments knows what I think about them . I was hoping for Pirates to break the Star Wars Curse. but it didn't.... was is so bad, does it deserve to walk the plank on 15 steps or less. No.





It was not the actors fault, nor the writers even. What I saw was a bombastic plot, a nice mess, a FUN to watch mess intended to CLOSE with the cast of thousands and bring back the movie to Depp and Rush.





I am a patient woman. I know the NEXT one will be all we wait for (OH YES, BOYS AND GIRLS, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER, I BET)





I also found myself starving for a good twist. After all, if you read my last review, I saw it all coming and so did you, boys and girls, even if you didn't want to recognize it.

These are not really spoilers, but it shows my dissatisfaction... this is what you'll find, and what I learned of Pirates 3 (this is not even Jack speech, it is non sense as if you try to mesh what could have been TWO feature lengths in ONE just because you want to go back to Depp)

• Good sailors go to Fiddler's Green... Captain Sparrow is cool, but not necessarily good and while good sailors go to the Green, funny bastards go EVERYWHERE.
• To bear with your self is the most original punishment hell can offer to one who thinks all have to know what he is thinking
• Keith Richards is on this and any era a GUITAR GOD and a ROCK STAR and if Pirates need a King I vote for no votes at all, there is no need
• Boys and girls, Calypso is not only a tropical beat, it's something older, and damn it could be darker if they only had the time
• The phrase home is where the heart is takes a whole new frigging meaning for some... and more.

The question is still... did I love it? Let's say is a love and hate thing, more of the love, less of the hate.

Did I like it? Enough to see it at least one more time at a dignified hour, let's say at midnight.

What is keeping me from saying it sucks? Simply, it doesn't. The movie has the most NON DISNEY ENDING in the HISTORY OF DISNEY MOVIE FRANCHISES and my personal hope... that they sacrificed plot enough to make ANOTHER MOVIE because they though they needed to go back to basics... two bastards and seven seas... Viva Barbossa!!!!

I just learned this invisible ink stuff, so click and drag if you want to know, if not, make sure TO STAY UNTIL THE END OF THE MOVIE!!!!!!

Note to the American audiences who cannot stand anything but a happy ending.... the following is a MAJOR SPOILER and I'll talk about it just because it pissed me off that some people tried to fix it....

• Will is FOREVER BOUND to be the Captain of the Dutchman, there is no way to break the curse (this is also a plot device that guarantees Bloom will not be in the next movie) Neither will be Elizabeth, although being voted a true pirate, having a child and waiting for her husband to come a shore every ten years is enough for her not to set foot on a ship again.
• WANT ME TO MAKE IT WORSE? Will is immortal, which means that Elizabeth - who has no such powers will eventually DIE, although Jack went for the Fountain of Youth, so I cannot guarantee it. Sparrow is still obsessed with Swann and we will never know if for her good or her damnation he will give her a sip...
• And once and for all you idiots, the kid at the end of the movie is Elizabeth and Will's IT IS NOT JACK!!!!!, I heard about two people discussing this and then I read it in some posts as well... what the heck?! Jack went to find the FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH and that will be the premise for the movie I'm talking about, if they ever make it

The quote comes from Barbossa, and it is, perhaps, the saddest of all the movie...after all, I'm a sucker for ends of era stuff:

"There was a time when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world. But our time is comin' to an end. Our enemies are united; they vow to destroy us. The Pirate Lords from the four corners of the Earth, must stand together. "