It's just a beauty contest

I'm still amazed at what I saw yesterday, enough do do a mini entry today.

First, I might not be the most impartial person here, but let me start by giving a shout out to Miss Puerto Rico who was decent enough to put with all the crap that the Island placed upon her, plus all the shitload that all the countries set on her too. One thing is to make a joke, I've done it myself, but I've read comments on this girl that should be banned off public forums. My dear Latino Community, Puerto Rico has 5 crowns, so what... work harder and keep your mouth shut. Attitudes like yours make people like me, who don't give a damn about pageants to say at least WTF?

Second point, Mexicans, repeat after me LA EMBARRASTE. There was enough latino presence in that jury to back up a latina into the final round, yet Miss USA made it, even when she fell flat on her behind. Personally, I'll give props to the proper bounce back from the situation, the girl's got some guts. Besides, it really was Mexico's time to shine with all the boos and the dissing. It didn't start right then. It started the day she wore the typical costume (Frigging Elvis, of all things) Mexico really rallied against her and that is a shame. Had she been a true bastard she should have gone as Davy Crockett or worse, as a Border Patrol Agent. In a pageant that is meant to stretch relations between countries, that was a big no, no. Yesterday shouldn't have been political and the people in the audience made it so.

Third, in a contest where Sweden called back her rep. because they complained about the objectification of women, we have Dave Navarro calling Miss. Venezuela "baby" and asking if

she likes her men hot and bothered... that is all I have to say.

Finally, .. what the hell happened to Zuleyka Rivera, who seemed pissed off giving the crown ? The night that was characterized by "el gran desplante Latino", cerro con broche de oro. Here's a little tidbit you might not know about. Miss Puerto Rico(Blasini) Miss Universe (Zuleyka), Miss Usa and Miss Usa Virgin Islands were BOOED AND HISSED the day of the pageant because someone wanted to make a political statement... anything that had anything remotely to do with the US was the target... you would look pissed too, wouldn't you? People were heard shouting out for "las perras boricuas" that is so frigging classy I will not continue...

No one booed though, when Mexico became the host country, while they were cashing in all the American currency they could... that is a shame. If you wanted to make a statement, that was the time, send the yankees home or whatever... no sean hipocritas.

Oh, congratulations to Miss Japan who won stood in midst of this shameful circus and walked off with a crown

Actually got so see Pirates

And I'll say Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh.


Now stay with me and find out whether this is good or not.


I'll start this review like the movie started, giving all the long run.





I didn't plan to see Pirates this weekend , in fact I wasn't going to be able to. But then I thought , hell the only thing I'll see related to Pirates this weekend will be Miss Puerto Rico and her rendering of Paris Hilton and Captain Morgan's Bastard Offspring:


http://www.missuniverse.com/delegates/2007/files/PR-photo-costume.html





So, against my better judgement, decided to see it on the first showing at 10:00 am, which guaranteed lots of kiddies and parents who have no clue.





Those who know me know that I love kids, that is not the problem, the problem is that sometimes parents forget that PG13 is there for a reason, and sometimes your four year old does not have the makings of a Pirate movie watcher. The kids were so restless during the first 10 minutes of the movie that I couldn't even catch the dialogue, and I'm not sure if that lost me for good.





THE REVIEW


This is a Trilogy and anyone who read my previous two comments knows what I think about them . I was hoping for Pirates to break the Star Wars Curse. but it didn't.... was is so bad, does it deserve to walk the plank on 15 steps or less. No.





It was not the actors fault, nor the writers even. What I saw was a bombastic plot, a nice mess, a FUN to watch mess intended to CLOSE with the cast of thousands and bring back the movie to Depp and Rush.





I am a patient woman. I know the NEXT one will be all we wait for (OH YES, BOYS AND GIRLS, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER, I BET)





I also found myself starving for a good twist. After all, if you read my last review, I saw it all coming and so did you, boys and girls, even if you didn't want to recognize it.

These are not really spoilers, but it shows my dissatisfaction... this is what you'll find, and what I learned of Pirates 3 (this is not even Jack speech, it is non sense as if you try to mesh what could have been TWO feature lengths in ONE just because you want to go back to Depp)

• Good sailors go to Fiddler's Green... Captain Sparrow is cool, but not necessarily good and while good sailors go to the Green, funny bastards go EVERYWHERE.
• To bear with your self is the most original punishment hell can offer to one who thinks all have to know what he is thinking
• Keith Richards is on this and any era a GUITAR GOD and a ROCK STAR and if Pirates need a King I vote for no votes at all, there is no need
• Boys and girls, Calypso is not only a tropical beat, it's something older, and damn it could be darker if they only had the time
• The phrase home is where the heart is takes a whole new frigging meaning for some... and more.

The question is still... did I love it? Let's say is a love and hate thing, more of the love, less of the hate.

Did I like it? Enough to see it at least one more time at a dignified hour, let's say at midnight.

What is keeping me from saying it sucks? Simply, it doesn't. The movie has the most NON DISNEY ENDING in the HISTORY OF DISNEY MOVIE FRANCHISES and my personal hope... that they sacrificed plot enough to make ANOTHER MOVIE because they though they needed to go back to basics... two bastards and seven seas... Viva Barbossa!!!!

I just learned this invisible ink stuff, so click and drag if you want to know, if not, make sure TO STAY UNTIL THE END OF THE MOVIE!!!!!!

Note to the American audiences who cannot stand anything but a happy ending.... the following is a MAJOR SPOILER and I'll talk about it just because it pissed me off that some people tried to fix it....

• Will is FOREVER BOUND to be the Captain of the Dutchman, there is no way to break the curse (this is also a plot device that guarantees Bloom will not be in the next movie) Neither will be Elizabeth, although being voted a true pirate, having a child and waiting for her husband to come a shore every ten years is enough for her not to set foot on a ship again.
• WANT ME TO MAKE IT WORSE? Will is immortal, which means that Elizabeth - who has no such powers will eventually DIE, although Jack went for the Fountain of Youth, so I cannot guarantee it. Sparrow is still obsessed with Swann and we will never know if for her good or her damnation he will give her a sip...
• And once and for all you idiots, the kid at the end of the movie is Elizabeth and Will's IT IS NOT JACK!!!!!, I heard about two people discussing this and then I read it in some posts as well... what the heck?! Jack went to find the FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH and that will be the premise for the movie I'm talking about, if they ever make it

The quote comes from Barbossa, and it is, perhaps, the saddest of all the movie...after all, I'm a sucker for ends of era stuff:

"There was a time when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world. But our time is comin' to an end. Our enemies are united; they vow to destroy us. The Pirate Lords from the four corners of the Earth, must stand together. "

Shriek... It's Shrek the Third

In the continuing crusade against Trilogies, I found myself terribly disappointed at the latest installment of the Shrek Series... Let's put it this way, what started as the greatest fairy tale never told, has come to be the Fairy Tale that should have stopped a long time ago...

What is it with the overall obsession of dealing with pretty much adult issues in family movies? I mean, I understand that fairy tales are meant to teach kids something about the workings of real life... nevertheless, I don't think any of the kids, neither the adults wanted a lessons on PARENTHOOD.

If you plan (pun intended) to watch this movie, you might want to avoid this, but it has EARNED

SHREK THE THIRD IN 15 BULLETS OR LESS

• Frog King literally croaks
• Shrek and Fiona want to go home but need to sit someone in the throne
• They remembered cousin Artie Pendragon
• Off they go, Shrek, Puss, Donkey
• Artie is the High School Looser, Lancelot is a jock, Gwen is super hot
• Merlin had a nervous breakdown, slipped on a spell
• Puss and Donkey go all Tale of the Body Thief and complain all through the film
• Prince Charming does Dinner Theater while plotting revenge
• All the bad guys in the bar swear Charming rules and off they go
• Shrek has nightmares, after all Fiona told him she is PREGNANT
• Shrek has MORE NIGHT MARES ABOUT BEING A DAD
• Charming takes the princesses prisoners and they decide to rescue themselves
• Big battle takes place, all the baddies listen to a teenage boy and decide being goodies
• Back in the swamp, lots of little Ogres to keep their hand full.

Two things made me laugh, Medieval High School and when animals attack sponsored by Snow White. Even when enjoying these scenes, I'm depressed enough not to say anything about them.

If anyone cares, the great Ken Ken was sorely disappointed as well, she has seen enough diaper change in the last three months to see it via Dream Works as well.

PS:

Mini rant, about bad guys. The point of having a villian in any situation is to have a worthy opponent. a perfect fairy tale villian has the same drive as the protagonist, but aiming towards an opposite direction. This sequel however, made a mockery of every bad guy conceivable, giving them a tragic flaw... the inability to cope with their circumstances, You know, sometimes bad guys are JUST BAD, is not like Captain Hook decided to become a pirate because he didn't find success as a frigging florist... come onnnnnnnnn.

Today's quote about this total fiasco comes from an anonymous source at Yahoo Message Boards

"The story was incredibly weak & linear, not enough humor, none of the characters except for Shrek or Donkey or Puss or Artie are given enough screen time. It was like X-Men 3, completely flooded with dozens & dozens of cool characters yet the film only has enough time to focus on a few."- some guy that lost as much money as I did today.

Spiderman 3... maybe one or two comments

The last 40 minutes of this movie CONVINCED me not to make it Spidey 15 bullets or less. GENERAL DISCLAIMER... I hate trilogies, ever since the original Star Wars nobody has been able to get them right. I thought Spiderman might break the curse but it didn't. It was a good movie, but even though the special effects are way better on this one, it didn't hit with the emotional impact of the first one, neither glued me to the plot like the second one did.

The problem about superheroes in general is that at a given moment, one most delve in to their personal affairs. It's enough that I know about Peter Parker's tragedy, after all that is imminent in the birth of a superhero, it is sufficient that I know about his coping with his superpowers, that is another rule. But when you thrown me in every single, petty discussion with Mary Jane about their relationship... you are running the risk of repeating a pathetic scene from Superman Returns.... for a moment I thought I would see Spidey in the dark suit, dangling right outside Mary Jane's window... spying her through the glass. THANKS GOD IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Since I liked the movie in general I will dedicate this piece to the things I didn't like... please excuse me, but when it comes to Spiderman I am not a comic book purist, so if any of this was in the original story arcs... well, it still would suck

• The re-fried uncle Ben story... the man is dead, the trauma is gone, the guilt replaced buy the understanding of the sense of duty DON'T BRING IT BACK, not even for the symbiot to do his thing, there are enough elements in some one's life to generate anger, more than just remembering old vendettas...
• The symbiot did wonders for Spiderman, but as far as Parker goes... one thing is to be a good guy , the other a total nerd. If you are going to be aggressive, BE aggressive, don't try to hip up Hitler's hairdo with a 2007 twist and go around pretending you are a jerk, BE A JERK. By the time they managed to make him do something really mean, he already felt too much like Napoleon Dynamite in a power trip to have a real impact.
• Going back to Uncle Ben, the Sandman storyline was uncalled for. If they wanted to revolve around forgiveness, they should have expanded Harry's story line.
• Before I forget and on a very light side, Parker might be a good guy, but he is a dirty slob... how come he didn't notice that black goo slithering about his partment?... TIDY UP SPIDEY!!!!

WHAT I LOVED and will forgive it all FOR...

• Bruce Campbell.... "I Know all about Romance. I'm French"
• Ted Raimi... "The Bugle is Hip, is Now is Wow"...
• Every single scene with JK Simmons
• The fact that they made me forget that Topher Grace is the guy from That 70's Show and that James Franco is a pretty boy
• By the way THE NEW GOBLIN RULES!!!!!

And as i said before the last 40 minutes or so recaptured some of the magic of it all. I am just praying that they don't make a fourth, no matter how tempting the money offer may sound.

"I like being evil. It makes me happy. " - Eddie Brock as Venom

Lysanel's day in the Sun

Here is the Titi post... en Español para el mundo
Las fotos cortesia de la presentacion de Lysanel en La Iglesia del Nazareno Domingo 6 de Mayo de 2007




























Es mucho pedir que ponga las fotos en orden despues de demonstrar mis "mad skillz" con esa foto sepia de las florecitas... me tomo una hora poner esto junto asi que aqui les va...

• Primera foto:Lysandra, Leonel, Lysanel perdida en los encajes y Kendra haciendo como que posa para no perder su reputacion delante de los amiguitos que la estaban mirando...
• Segunda, Lysanel tratando de mantenerse despierta con Titi Lysania, no la culpo, la presentacion fue despues del servicio y el sermon duro como tres horazzzzzzzzzzzzz
• La tercera es la joya de mi estudio fotografico... Mami con La Gorda y florecitas añadidas

This titi moment was brought to you by the absentminded photographer.

GRINDHOUSE...SMILE AND SAY CHEESE

In this case though, the Cheese is Raw Milk Camembert. So much fun shouldn't come in one Pack, but the neither Tarantino nor Rodriguez would be themselves if they obliged.

I never thought I would use this word because I don't know if I want to set myself in this fanbase, but it is sort of nostalgic? Do you think there is not enough sexploitation in cinema nowadays? Are you yearning for excessive gore? Are the 70's taking too long to come back around for you? If you answered YES, to any of this questions, you will like this movie. However is your answer is HELL YEAH, while you licks your lips and salivate at the same time... YOU WILL LOVE IT.

NO SPOILERS MEANS I'm still trying to fit my tongue back where it belongs, while trying to think on something other than THIS MOVIE ROCKS!!!!!! so I can write two coherent sentences.

Most people will get into the theater with a CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON APPROACH,being either Rodriguez or Tarantino fans. My fave poison is Rodriguez, because between you and I, although I understand that it might have not been completely in his hands... I never forgave Tarantino

for splitting up Kill Bill and making me wait...

Rodriguez didn't disappoint and his camp/horror Planet Terror has all we've gotten used to... over the top zombie infestation, exaggerated delivery of every conceivable scene, to the point of comedic effect (it is MEANT to be like that PEOPLE). This is how you prove that this is a BAD MOVIE done with all intention... look back, and if you are a real movie fan, you'll have to loooook back and tell me. When was the last time you marveled at Rose McGowan's acting abilities? ( I just heard Ms. Lightshadow Screaming JAWBREAKER!!!! alone in the dark ...) This is HOW FUCKING BRILLIANT THIS MOVIE IS. Rose McGowan, at the peak of her performance does a 360, with her leg/gun/rocket launcher and cleans zombies right off the face of the Earth. Is it deep? No. Will it be grant her entrance Inside the actor's studio? HELL NO. Will you be talking about it for a week or so, while laughing your ass off? GUARANTEED

And because Rodriguez and Tarantino KNOW they are who they are... it doesn't hurt them to share screen time with the big and upcoming... Rob Zombie, tackles, quite an amazing subject in both the sexploitation and horror genre combining the following words WEREWOLF, WOMEN and S.S.... add it up people(it is a shame this movie is fake because the course Nick Cage's career is taking... well... this could have been his best movie in a couple of years). Eli Roth brings Thanksgiving, inspired in the good natured Slasher Film... if this was a real movie, I'd watch it. There's another Rodriguez worthy footnote, Danny Trejo in Machete, as if we didn't have enough vengeance thirsty Mexicans.

DEATHPROFF, came across, (and it seems that the feeling is universal, for what other people told me ) as the weaker of the two. This is what I have to say... while Rodriguez managed to copy the concept of the Grindhouse, which will guarantee a thumbs up from hardcore fans, Tarantino went ahead and rebuilt it. DEATHPROFF is a Tarantino film, with a Touch of Grindhouse. Is that bad though? i don't think so.

Where Rodriguez film is fast, Tarantino's is developed, with witty, right back at you dialogue. While Rodriguez delivers a jump around every corner. Tarantino builds up, tell me boys and girls, if it was not worth it, the whole thing with the car.the music was incredible as always and then there is that fantastic Tarantino Pop Culture Trivia inserted along the way... a car runs through a movie billboard destroying advertisement for Scary Movie, a film franchise that was partly inspired by McGowan's early work and that dares call itself a spoof of a genre.

I say dare since as far as spoof goes, this piece has set the bar... keep 'em coming boys

"It's go go, not cry cry." - the simplistic terms of heroics by Cherrie- GRINDHOUSE